July 14, 2008

The bus arrived at 2 am. We got loaded up and headed for the airport. I was tearing up the entrile ride. I'm not ready to leave. I love it here so much. I started to become really uneasy when we got to the airport. We went through security and then the time came to say good-bye. I lost it! I started crying so hard. It was hard saying good-bye to Geoffrey, Surafel, and Daina. I was bawling standing in line waiting for my boarding pass.

I want to stay so much. I know God has so much more planned for me in Ethiopia that I just want to stay and do it, but God has His own timing and that is when it will happen. I cried for so long. Every few minutes I start crying. I don't want to go home. I feel so much in my heart to be in Ethiopia that I want to stay, but God has His reasons for doing this. I just have to rely on Him and I will be back soon. I need to be back soon. I feel such a pull to stay. I definitely need Ethiopia in my life.

I have realized I am more myself or more the self I want to be when I'm in Ethiopia. This is truly what I was made to do. Everything else just disgusts me. If it disgusts me, I am definitely not supposed to be doing it. When I'm in Ethiopia I feel more joy and happiness than I have ever felt in my life. This is what brings me joy in life and it's what I'm supposed to be doing.

I am so upset to have to leave because of how much I know I am supposed to be here. Now that I am not in Ethiopia, I am on the plane, I feel more love and more of a calling for Ethiopia than ever before. It is so intense--I've never felt anything like it before.

we land in London. I'm a little uneasy. I should be happy to be here, but I just keep thinking about Ethiopia. I have always wanted to visit London, but I think I just feel more out of place than ever in my life. Not just in London, but in life in general. It's like how we are called to be in the world, but not of the world--except on a different scale. This is more of an intense feeling of being set apart than I have ever felt before.