July 6, 2008

I had to take a cold shower this morning. I was shivering the whole time. In the midst of my complaining I realize it is a privilege to take a shower and I shouldn't be complaining. There are people right down the street who don't ever get to shower. At least I get to shower. The people living right down the street are living in shacks or even nothing at all and here I am complaining about a towel that is too thin. I really need to start thinking about how really privileged my life is and I really don't have any right to be complaining.

After breakfast, we went to church where we were playing with the children yesterday. It was amazing. The energy was crazy. These people really know how to worship. There was a little girl, probably around 6-8, just worshiping so amazingly. She was truly crying out to God. I will never forget that image. Once the service was over, the children gathered around and sang songs.

We then came back to the hotel to eat lunch. Lunch took forever and we were already running behind. We got in the bus and went to give lunch to the street kids. They were so happy. These boys have nothing--nothing at all and they still find enough joy in life to smile. They have no families, no place to sleep, no one to show them love, and they are still happy. It just amazes me.

After lunch, they all went to play soccer and this is when I started feeling sick. My stomach was cramping and it hurt so much. I really needed to find a bathroom. I was told there was a bathroom I could use. I grabbed some tissues and went to find it. I was told "they aren't good, but adequate". I was thinking the toilets must be dirty, but I could easily clean it off. I looked in the first once and there was nothing there. I thought maybe someone stole the toilet or something. I looking in the second one and realized that was it. A hole in the ground was the toilet. I had to go so badly I just had to do it. It was the most demeaning and humiliating thing I have ever done.

I knew I would need God to use something big to get my attention and have everything just click about Ethiopia, but I never thought that would be it. I was down at my lowest point and that is when I realized how bad things are here. These people have to squat over a hole every day of their life because they don't have plumbing. Geoffrey told me I shouldn't feel as bad as I do because they don't find it demeaning or humiliating because it's just life. But it shouldn't be that way. Everything they go through they shouldn't be ok with and just say it's life and to deal with it. Something should be done. No one deserves to live like this. No one should ever feel this is their lot in life and just deal with it.

I have to really pray for God's plan with all of this. I had this huge calling and feeling for being in Ethiopia for over a year, but as soon as I got here that seemed to go away. Even with everything I saw and experienced never brought that feeling back. But after my day today that feeling is back and I love it. I long to be here so much. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. I want God to bring me out of my comfort zone, again, and show me something amazing. If that means bringing me as low as I was today and basically be hit over the head with it, then bring it on--I'm ready!! I'm excited to see what God has in store for me next.